Over four years ago I left my seven-year relationship. It was and still is one of the hardest and hurtful decisions I’ve ever made but I don’t regret it. We drifted apart and I began to fall out of love with him, deep down we knew that nothing could save our relationship. Did I want to leave? No. However, I didn’t have a choice and sometimes that’s how the cookie crumbles.
I’m growing, learning and I’ve changed for the better, it feels amazing.
Here are my 10 things:
- Learn To Love Yourself
Being single is the perfect time to work on yourself. What hobbies do you love? What makes you happy and sad? How can you be a better human being? What bad habits could you break? These are a few questions you should ask yourself whether you are in a relationship or not.
- You Can Forgive But You Can’t Forget
All my life I’ve been told that I must forgive which I have, but the truth is I’ll never be able to forget the good and bad times. Learning to forgive and letting go of hurt was hard but I made it through and so can you. As time goes on everything will become a distant memory and you will truly be able to move on.
3. You Can’t Save Someone Who Doesn’t Want To Be Saved
You could spend your whole relationship trying to motivate and help your partner, but if they don’t want to put in the work over and over again YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. Be supportive but when it’s time for you to sit back do so, and watch how they react.
4. Explore And Travel
I didn’t go on holiday with my ex until the last months of our relationship we should have gone away years before but circumstances didn’t allow us to. From my experience, you can get to know each other by travelling. Time away from your day to day lives and doing something different will more than likely to bring you closer together.
5. You Need To Have The Same Values And Desires
I believe that if you are not growing together then you will grow apart. Whatever your dreams and goals are you both should want more from life and be work towards it. If not one of you will be dragging the other along and trust me it gets tiring.
6. Don’t Ignore The Red Flags
They are there for a reason don’t sweep them under the rug TALK ABOUT IT.
7. Learn How To Love Each Other
People give and receive love in different ways. After coming across Gary Chapman’s ‘5 Love Languages’ I realised that I love to be physically touched and crave for my partners quality time.
Pay attention to the small details about your partner. What they like, don’t like, their hobbies, fears, demons, struggles and what you both want from the relationship.
8. Be Independent
My favourite saying “have your own things so no one can take them away”. I have always been independent and encourage my friends, male and female to be the same. Don’t rely on your partner to do everything for you.
9. Relationships Are Hard
In the words of 50 Cent “you gotta work at it like a crack addictive up in rehab” and you do. The thought of being with someone you love is amazing, being loved is the best feeling in the world but it’s not a walk in the park. It’s a life long commitment if you want it to last, deep down only you will know if a relationship is worth fighting for.
10. I Will Love Again
I love to love and I love people (not all the time lol). I know one day soon I will fall in love again and it will be right. He will be the best man for me and it’s as simple as that.
Love,
Rochelle